She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman book summary

Date Published: 2004

She Comes First:

TL;DR Summary

Ian Kerner's groundbreaking book, "She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman," is a game-changing tour de force that redefines the sexual equation, flipping the script on traditional intercourse. As the title subtly suggests, Kerner asserts that the path to sexual satisfaction for all genders pivots on prioritizing female pleasure. Drawing upon comprehensive research, empirical evidence, and a wealth of personal experience, Kerner posits that the key to sexual satisfaction lies not in the act of intercourse itself, but in the often-underrated art of oral sex.

This insightful guide is a genuine plea to men to emancipate themselves from the overvalued ideals of 'phallocentric' sex, and reorient towards a more holistic, female-focused approach. By elevating the significance of clitoral stimulation and focusing on women's unique sexual response, Kerner aims to close the 'orgasm gap' that is all too prevalent in our society.

"She Comes First" offers a meticulous exploration of female anatomy and the complex mechanics of her sexual response. Furthermore, it presents an insightful, step-by-step guide to mastering the art of cunnilingus. Kerner skillfully balances educational content with a light and approachable tone, making the text both informative and engaging. It addresses common misconceptions, challenges stereotypes, and replaces them with a more realistic and satisfying sexual paradigm.

Reading this book is akin to embarking on a transformative journey, where men discover the sexual confidence that comes from being able to reliably pleasure a woman, and women experience the joy of being with a man attuned to their sexual needs. "She Comes First" dispels myths, breaks barriers, and truly democratizes the bedroom, creating an exciting new narrative where she, indeed, comes first.

She Comes First:


Health & Fitness
Relationships & Sex Education

She Comes First:


Female Sexual Pleasure: The book revolves around prioritizing female pleasure, specifically focusing on the art of cunnilingus. It emphasizes the importance of understanding the female anatomy, and the intricacies of her arousal and orgasm.

Male Sexual Confidence: Kerner explores how men’s sexual confidence is bolstered when they can reliably satisfy their partner, by emphasizing the male reader’s role in pleasing their partner.

Sexual Communication: “She Comes First” emphasizes open communication between partners about their sexual needs and preferences. It promotes an open dialogue about likes, dislikes, and areas of improvement.

Overcoming Sexual Misconceptions: The book debunks several misconceptions about sex, such as the overemphasis on penetrative sex and the underappreciation of female pleasure. It presents an alternative sexual paradigm centered on mutual satisfaction.

Closing the Orgasm Gap: The book addresses the ‘orgasm gap’ where women statistically orgasm less frequently than men in heterosexual encounters. Kerner proposes a solution in the form of increased focus on female pleasure, specifically through oral sex.

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